You're welcome =)
Managed to restrain from my old habits of dealing with emptiness, sadness, and suicide (dreams, not really trying to end it just yet) because I've been spending loads of time with a guy from my building, Malik*.
He's super sweet, very interesting, silly, awesome cook, even better bartender (that's what he does for a living). We've known each other since I was about 9 or 10 and he was 11 or 12. He was my first kiss. And it was horrible! XP, lol. We talk all the time about everything and since he lives a few floors above me, I go to his house often and spend the night. He's a fantastic cuddler. I've spent the night 18 times in the past 24 days (and I know how smitten I sound for knowing this information but I have a physical joural that I write in so it wasn't hard figuring it out, LOL). When we go out, we pretend to be just friends & keep a certain distance between us at all times but when we're at his apartment, I'm like his part-time girlfriend; we can't keep our hands off each other. It seems that not a moment passes when we're not embracing each other, kissing, rubbing, stroking. When we lay on the couch, he lays my feet on his chest and rubs them, playing with my arches and toes. Its so weird to say because I've known him for so long but we really have a super strong connection. Just recently, we spent the whole day together, taking a mega long walk throughout Manhattan and some parts in our area of Brooklyn but 3 seperate events took place and it caused me to have a serious change of mood and attitude. I tried really hard not to let it get to me so much but I couldn't help but to show it. He picked up on it immediately and didn't back down when I tried to avoid talking about it. He did give me my time and space when I got choked up remembering all the horrible things from a high school relationship and I said that I couldn't about it at that very moment.
When everything was all taken care of and put to rest he thanked me for giving him the opportunity to see what kinds of things upset me. He said that he learned a lot more about me and is looking forward to spending more time with me to find out more when I open up and speak what's in my head & heart. It took us no time at all to get back to Happy.
My only issue is that he lives in my apartment building & I've always had a rule about not getting involved with any of my neighbors. He feels the same way so that's why we try to keep it a big secret. The only other person that knows is my down-the-hall neighbor, Walter*. He thinks that Malik & I make a great couple not only because we're cute together but also because we're highly compatiable & already offering each other what we need and want out of a real relationship.
I just don't want to ruin a good thing. I like that we spend so much time, and get along so well. Even if there's no music playing, the television is off, and neither one of us is saying a word, we can still each enjoy sharing the same space with each other. Earlier this weekend I heard a "babe" slip from his mouth, but I called no attention to it so he thinks I didn't hear. Then, when we got stupid drunk at his house one night (no party, just the two of us, a big ass bottle of tequila, and plenty of mixers), he straight up called me "baby" and then added that he doesn't give a fuck how many times something like that slips; when its just us, I'm wifey. LOL, I always thought that phrase was ridiculous until now.
I know it sounds strange that I would be comfortable about that but the thing with me is, I never look to get into a relationship. I've been through too much to want to try investing that much emotion into another person. So, I keep a few "boy toys" around for whenever I'm feeling frisky and just enjoy the attention and company of the people around me. Malik is definately different. I'm just not sure if that's the truth or something I want to believe is true.
(*names have bee changed. C'mon son, I'm not about to put all my business out there like that!)
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