My dear Self-Injury,
It feels good to finally write, as I know I often avoid talking to (though I have no problem gossiping about) you. I just thought I would get this off my chest.
Six years ago, when we first met in 9th grade, I admit to inviting you into my room. You sat there so casually - just staring at me, not saying a word. My friends had tried to warn me about you. They said you were "bad news." But aren't we all a bit of a rebel?
You persuaded me to think you could help. You told me you could make me feel better. You said I needed you, and I believed it. Then I fell in love with you. You gave me everything you promised. You held my hand through school, through the low times. I remember crying in the bathroom one day and you walked in. You picked me up. Told me I could go back out there. You kissed me, and sent me on my way. At night, you called out to me and I always answered. I didn't mind. Sometimes I even called out to you and you were more than willing to help.
But Self-Injury, you have another face. I swear I didn't know. After some time our relationship changed. Your gifts to me never lasted. They were cheap quality. You mocked me and left me to sit alone. You made me change my clothes so that I would look like you. You told me how to act, when to sleep, where to cry. You raised me up to abandon me time after time. You told my friends what to think of me. You made me be with you when I needed to study. You made me lie to protect you.
Yet after everything you did to me, I never let go of you. You still offered your gifts to me. Being desperate, I took them... sometimes even still. Self-Injury, you have kept me from the college of my dreams. You continue to make me live a secret life. You sneak into my room and into my mind. You steal my happy feelings, and grip tight to the leash you have me on. How can I get away?
But you should know that you are not the only one in my life. I have friends who support me! I have family who loves me, despite our relationship. One day I will break away and I will run so far from you that you will not be able to get a hold of me again. I will tell the world about you. I'll scream it if I have to! And you will not be able to hide from the spotlight.
For now though, I want to thank you for getting me through the hard times. It's because of you I'm still here and you've meant a lot in my life.
Be prepared. One day you will be behind me, and I look forward to that time.
All the best,
Sasha
It feels good to finally write, as I know I often avoid talking to (though I have no problem gossiping about) you. I just thought I would get this off my chest.
Six years ago, when we first met in 9th grade, I admit to inviting you into my room. You sat there so casually - just staring at me, not saying a word. My friends had tried to warn me about you. They said you were "bad news." But aren't we all a bit of a rebel?
You persuaded me to think you could help. You told me you could make me feel better. You said I needed you, and I believed it. Then I fell in love with you. You gave me everything you promised. You held my hand through school, through the low times. I remember crying in the bathroom one day and you walked in. You picked me up. Told me I could go back out there. You kissed me, and sent me on my way. At night, you called out to me and I always answered. I didn't mind. Sometimes I even called out to you and you were more than willing to help.
But Self-Injury, you have another face. I swear I didn't know. After some time our relationship changed. Your gifts to me never lasted. They were cheap quality. You mocked me and left me to sit alone. You made me change my clothes so that I would look like you. You told me how to act, when to sleep, where to cry. You raised me up to abandon me time after time. You told my friends what to think of me. You made me be with you when I needed to study. You made me lie to protect you.
Yet after everything you did to me, I never let go of you. You still offered your gifts to me. Being desperate, I took them... sometimes even still. Self-Injury, you have kept me from the college of my dreams. You continue to make me live a secret life. You sneak into my room and into my mind. You steal my happy feelings, and grip tight to the leash you have me on. How can I get away?
But you should know that you are not the only one in my life. I have friends who support me! I have family who loves me, despite our relationship. One day I will break away and I will run so far from you that you will not be able to get a hold of me again. I will tell the world about you. I'll scream it if I have to! And you will not be able to hide from the spotlight.
For now though, I want to thank you for getting me through the hard times. It's because of you I'm still here and you've meant a lot in my life.
Be prepared. One day you will be behind me, and I look forward to that time.
All the best,
Sasha
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