my starving heart

well
today will make it 2 whole years since i was last able to say 
"yes, i am in a relationship"

in the between time, 

i've searched, 

flirted, 

dated,

 talked, 

and mingled with so many different people

and despite my efforts, it almost always turn to dust in the same manner:

"old loves come back to reignite the flame they used to share"

 so i take my leave

"we are at two different stages in life where a relationship would be too problematic"

 so, i continue on my search

or the most popular,

 "because i don't seem willing enough to engage into ANYTHING physical from the very start (including kissing)"

then i am considered a prude or boring and simply left alone. 

no calls, no messages, absolutely nothing.

i buy new clothes

wear makeup differently

cut my hair

smile when i want to cry

laugh when nothing is funny

and care when they're still just strangers

i honestly don't know what else to do or where else to go

i just need to feed my starving heart

because every night that passes and i can't hear the words "goodnight babe"

or feel someone wrap their arms around me for no reason at all

or tell someone how happy they make me feel

i die a little inside

maybe as humans we need to love and be loved in order to survive

or maybe i'm just giving myself too much credit

i don't care

i just need a taste of what its like to know someone else gives a damn whether you're crying or laughing

it wouldn't even mater if i had a day or a decade 

anything that can let me know that i'm not alone and that i can find someone who makes me truly happy and can feed my heart the love it so dreadfully craves....

 just might save my soul